Title: Are you coming with us, Spike?
Author: Am-Chau Yarkona
Category: Absolute silliness, badfic
Rating: moderate to adult (much can be read in, if you’ve read the real thing)
Disclaimer: Not mine. Joss and Tolkien, fellow creator-gods, me, sad pathetic
little person who peddles absence of smut for fun and no money.
Summary: Spike in Middle Earth once more. He’s chipped now, and on the other
side.
Legolas and Gimli were skipping through the woods one starlit evening,
holding hands and singing dirty rugby songs, when suddenly Spike tumbled from an
interdimensional portal onto the path in front of them.
“Well hello there, handsome stranger,” simpered Legolas, restraining himself
from leaping gaily forward and ripping the jeans off the newcomer because he
didn’t want to spoil Gimli’s fun. He was tall enough to rip the shirt off
his, after all.
“Hello there yourself,” Spike replied, slipping effortlessly into the Common
Speech of Middle Earth.
“Let’s go, petal,” Gimli said, pulling impatiently at his best friend’s
hand.
“Slow down, my precious gemstone- wouldn’t it be polite to ask this
gentleman to accompany us?”
“Why, so it would, lily-flower mine.” Gimli looked Spike up and down, and
leered. “Want to stroke the shaft of my axe?”
“And help me fire an arrow or two?” Legolas chimed in quickly, having done
the up-down thing earlier, and now steadily going up.
Spike eagerly nodded his agreement, and the three disappeared behind a stand of
trees, where much fun was had by all (even Aragorn, who was watching in his
magical-scrying thingy, until the lady Arwen came in and distracted him).
Moral: Porn without Plot sans Porn. Not worth your time or mine, but it was fun, wasn’t it?